


Home

by Tomhollandsfandom



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Sastiel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 11:00:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20526908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tomhollandsfandom/pseuds/Tomhollandsfandom
Summary: Takes place in season 11, Sam and Cas start to share a room. What starts off as embarrassing mornings, turns into confessions of love.





	Home

Walking into my room, I was tired and relieved to finally be clean again. That hunt that was probably nothing, ended up being more than we expected. Monsters starting armies to protect themselves from the Darkness. When the apocalypse was happening, no one cared, but now people care?  
  
"Hey Cas, there you are. Oh, I'm sorry, am I interrupting your show?" I said realizing he was still watching tv, he paused the tv and shook his head.  
  
"No, not at all Sam. Do you want me to leave?" This is the part I should've said yes, he was already getting up and everything, but I couldn't.  
  
"No, no, you're good," I said smiling, I realized he wasn't wearing his trenchcoat, it was set on my dresser and that made me happy in a way. He was comfortable enough in my room, he let go of his security "blanket."  
  
"Are you sure, Sam?" Cas asked still not sitting back relaxed how he was when I first came in here.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, who says we can't share?" I said with a small shrug and got into bed, trying to ignore my heart beating faster than normal.  
  
"I'm not in your personal space?" Cas asked still making sure I was okay with this, maybe he wasn't?  
  
"Well you are, but I don't mind as long as you don't mind," I said giving him an out just in case.  
  
"I don't. How did the hunt go?" Cas asked relaxing back how he was before I came in.  
  
"It could've gone better. We found out more about Amara, she's growing faster than she should. Also, monsters are also afraid of her. Sounds like we're having great odds." I said sarcastically with a sigh but looking at him it reminded me to thank him. Usually, Dean is around and would bother me for that sort of thing, but he's not around, so now's a perfect time.  
  
"Also thank you for your research, it really helped. If you didn't help we wouldn't have made it." I wanted to reach and touch his shoulder or something but decided against it.  
  
"You're welcome since I can't be in the field, I can at least help with research," Cas said tiredly, I could tell he was being hard on himself.  
  
"Either way, you're always important to the team," I said with a small smile, hoping that would help.  
  
"Because I'm useful?" Cas asked and I frowned.  
  
"Well yeah, but also, you're family. You're important to us no matter what. We just want you to get better." I explained, after all these years, doesn't he understand he's important to us? Maybe I have to express that more. Dean sure won't, not unless he or Cas is dying.  
  
"Goodnight, Cas," I said closing my eyes, I let go of a yawn I was holding back earlier, for some reason, this bed felt more comfortable than the last time I slept in it.  
  
"Good night, Sam," Cas replied back, he unpaused the tv, I could hear him turning it down and smiled at his thoughtfulness. The smile stayed when I heard his soft laughter, perhaps I need to watch a show with him sometime.

* * *

  
  
'Am I hugging someone?' I thought not wanting to open my eyes yet, barely moving my arm back a bit, it confirmed I was indeed holding someone. Who the Hell can I be holding? I opened my eyes out of curiosity and heard the tv playing in the background. Last night. Last night, I didn't watch tv...But Cas did! I looked up and my suspicions were true, I was hugging Cas.  
  
I've had a lot of embarrassing moments in my life, more than I can count. This has to be in my top five.  
  
"Morning Cas," I said lips pressed together in an awkward smile. Cas was a little amused by my predicament.  
  
"Would you mind helping me out? I gotta use the restroom." I said which was a lie until I thought about it. We untangled from each other while I rushed to the bathroom.  
  
Coming back in a more calm manner to the kitchen, Dean was laughing at me, I might've almost ran him into the ground on my way to the bathroom.  
  
"Did you trust a toilet in your dream, Sammy?" He asked smirking, I rolled my eyes and got a cup of coffee. He was in his robe drinking his own cup.  
  
"No. What are you doing up early?" I asked and he raised an eyebrow at me, pointing to a clock. It was 11 a.m. how the Hell did I sleep in that late? No wonder I had to pee.  
  
"Are you feeling okay, Sam?" Dean asked seriously, putting his coffee down, and checking for a fever.  
  
"I'm fine Dean, just having an off day..." I said making my way back to my room with my coffee.

* * *

  
  
Feeling dead tired, I was bumping into things trying to make it into my room. I opened my door and almost fell on the ground. It didn't sound like a bad spot to sleep, maybe I could sleep there. However, gotta land the right way, concrete floor, easy way to get a concussion.  
  
"Sam, are you okay?" Cas asked getting off my bed, aww he's still here. That's nice, Cas is a nice angel.  
  
"Hmm? Yeah." I said leaning against the wall, just need a small break. My legs kept moving, I only knew since they bumped into my dresser. I felt two hands guide me to the bed. Which I relaxed into, I could smell, well me, and honey. Food sounds good.  
  
"Sam, have you been drinking?" Cas asked, did I? Research, research, bad memories, drink, drink, more bad memories, research, drink, I guess I did.  
  
"Maybe a lil bit." I smiled, which turned into a laugh, I felt a blanket being pulled over me. Soft, warm, Cas is soft and warm. He gives me butterflies inside!  
  
"Mere!" I said opening my arms, I opened my eyes and saw Cas was debating if he should, instead he touched my forehead. I felt his grace moving, it was a nice cool refreshing thing, I frowned when I realized what he did. And what I did. If I wasn't so tired I would've gotten out of bed to think by myself, but even if Lucifer was here, I wouldn't leave this bed.  
  
"I'm so sorry Cas. I haven't done that in years. That's, well embarrassing and stupid." I said with an arm covering my face, Cas didn't answer but I felt my shoes being taken off.  
  
"Bad day?" Cas asked softly, I lifted my arm to look at Cas, he didn't look mad or irritated, he looked concerned.  
  
"Yeah, I was researching, and I had my music on shuffle, stupid Spotify started to play Heat of the Moment," I said, sitting up a bit, how did I let my emotions get the best of me?  
  
"Logically I knew Gabriel wasn't here, he's dead. But I saw the date was Tuesday, and all logic went out the window." I explained I could feel myself struggling to breathe. Just thinking of it, it's bringing it back.  
  
"Then what?" Cas asked, sitting in front of me. I looked at him surprised when he held my hands, it was oddly enough, easier to breathe with him close by.  
  
"I couldn't find Dean and decided to drink. Research how to get us out of this loop before Dean dies, and drank some more. It wasn't until Dean took my drinks away and I saw in was Wednesday that it clicked, I could go to bed. Dean sent me to bed, and, I can't believe I did that." I let out a humorless laugh, hours of research for nothing. Not only that, I wasted valuable time, for nothing.  
  
"Sam, you watched your brother die over a hundred times, waking up to that song. It's expected to have moments like this, days like this. It's okay." Cas said bringing me into a hug, I felt tears threatening to form.  
  
"It's been years, Cas. I've gone to Hell, I've seen worse than that. It shouldn't affect me anymore." I murmured into his shoulder.  
  
"Sam, seeing worse doesn't take away from other traumatic experiences. This was a trigger, they happen. You are not in a loop. You and your brother are safe." Cas soothed, a few tears fell, and Cas just held me. Letting me know it was okay. I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I know this, I know what he's telling me is true, but a part of me is telling me this is just a trap. I'm going to have to see Dean die a hundred times again.  
  
"Cas, I just want it to go away. I hate Tuesdays. I hate that stupid song." I cried and he just held me tighter.  
  
"Do you hate Gabriel?" Cas asked, at one point in time, it was a clear yes. How could I not? Years passing, new trials and tribulations, I didn't.  
  
"No. I just hate those memories." I murmured into his chest, I didn't realize I had my head buried into his chest.  
  
He laid us down and was running his fingers through my hair.  
  
"If I could take them away, I would," Cas whispered, I didn't say anything back, I stayed wrapped in his arms, as he lulled me to sleep.

* * *

  
  
I woke up, wrapped in someone's arms once again, this time I was aware it was Cas. I didn't want to get up, I wanted to stay like this all day, but because of yesterday's episode, I wasted a lot of valuable time.  
  
I started to pull away from Cas, he looked down at me and seemed hesitant to let go.  
  
"Are you okay?" He asked gently, I nodded, and he loosened his grip.  
  
"Cas, I have to use the restroom," I said, he let go completely, but it looked like he had more to say.  
  
I didn't have to go as bad as yesterday, so no rushing into Dean. I didn't bother going to the kitchen, instead, I went back to my station.  
  
I cleared all of yesterday's notes, threw them away, and started fresh. Barely a page in, Cas came in and sat across from me.  
  
Wordlessly he picked up a book and a pen. I went back to work, we spent hours like this, silently taking notes.  
  
Dean came in every now and again, begging me to eat, I kept saying I would soon, right after I was done with the page I was on.  
  
After the sixth time, Cas got up and went to the kitchen. He came back a few minutes later with a salad. He placed it in front of me and went back to work. Dean thanked Cas on his way out, and only returned to take my dishes and hand me some coffee.  
  
When I could barely keep my eyes open, and my notes became scribbles, I knew I had to go to bed. Cas noticed and set his book aside, and helped me to bed.  
  
"Thank you," I mumbled as he set me on my bed. He nodded and covered me up. I thought he was going to go back to researching since he left the room, but instead, he came back a few minutes later and got into bed next to me. My eyelids were heavy, I wanted to look at Cas one more time and tell him goodnight, but I didn't have any energy left.

* * *

  
  
I woke up holding a body once again, I looked down to see Cas, whose eyes were closed for once. It threw me off, I tried to pull away but Cas held onto my arms.  
  
"Cas-"  
  
"You don't have to pee," Cas said, clearly awake, but his eyes remained closed. Did he use his grace to- Don't want to think about it.  
  
"Stay," Cas ordered, as much as I wanted to, I still needed to do more work.  
  
"Cas, I can't stay in bed all day," I said and he looked up to face me, eyes opened now.  
  
"You can, and you will until I feel you are well-rested. You won't take care of yourself properly, so I will. I've already told Dean not to bother you. If he wants research done, he can do it himself. You need to rest." Cas said before turning around, eyes closed once again.  
  
I sighed and got comfortable, his grip was too tight to wiggle out of. I closed my eyes and felt myself starting to fall asleep again. Besides, it's what Cas wanted, and it seems like it's the only way to get out of this later.  
  
So what if I rested my head on his shoulder, it was comfortable. Cas is comfortable. He feels like home.

* * *

  
  
I woke up feeling lazy, I looked at Cas who was looking at me. He pushed my hair out of my face.  
  
"You talk in your sleep when you're stressed," Cas said I frowned, what did I say?  
  
"Did I tell you anything important?" I asked, it wasn't the real question I wanted to ask, but it was the only question I could ask without stuttering.  
  
"Yes," Cas answered, I looked at him expectantly but he didn't say anything further. I suppressed a groan.  
  
"What did I say?" I pushed and he stopped to think, I could've said anything, from my crush on him to dirt I have on Dean.  
  
"Words I have been considering." Cas finally said I felt like pulling away and getting coffee, something I needed to have the patience right now.  
  
"Your conclusion?" I asked, his eyes went from my eyes down to my lips, back up to my eyes.  
  
"My conclusion? I now know why I saved you while you were in the cage." Cas started, looking at me in a certain way, I couldn't place it.  
  
"Why I feel the need to protect you before I protect myself. Why I wish you could see the good in you, and wish you cared more about yourself." He paused for a second, looking down, before looking back up to continue.  
  
"Why I long for you when you're not around. Why my bond with you is different than my bond with Dean. I don't know when, but somewhere along with our friendship, I fell in love with you. I thought it was just a feeling of jealousy or my love for humanity, but it never felt that simple. I love you, or at least what I believe is love." Cas answered I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I let it go.  
  
"That is my conclusion. What is yours?" Cas asked, his eyes begging me for a similar answer. I let go of him with one hand so I could hold his hand.  
  
"My conclusion? I fell in love with you ages ago. I have done my best to hide it, to pretend I don't feel this way about you. But every time I'm around you, I feel at home. There's only one other person in this world who I feel like is home, but it is so much different from you." I said not knowing what else to say. I've imagined this a million times over, but it is always me confessing first, and most of the time Cas doesn't say anything back, he just goes for the kiss. The only way I know this is real is because I pinched myself already.  
  
"Sam, can I kiss you?" Cas asked I nodded. Before my mind could guess how it would feel to kiss him, his lips were on mine.  
  
They were a bit rough, but the kiss wasn't, it was slow and calm. Almost as if he wasn't sure if I was really okay with this. I started to bite his lower lip, and he got the memo, he flipped us so I was on my back, and it seemed as if all his resistance and patience went out the window. It was now rough, and passionate, I kept up with the pace, years and years of pent up tension flowed through. I didn't want it to end just in case this never happened again. I flipped us onto his back, and I knew it was getting harder to breathe but I didn't want to pull away. Not until I absolutely had to.  
  
When I did pull away, I was panting along with Cas, wanting to devour his lips once again. I heard a knock on the door before it opened.  
  
"About time, Sam I'm making burgers. Cas, I'm making one for you too." Dean said closing the door again, I looked back down at Cas and smiled.  
  
"Can I kiss you?" I asked this time, he croaked out a yes, and I captured his lips again. It was tender this time, more of an "I love you" rather than a lustful kiss like the first one. I smiled when he brought his hands up to cup my face if this is a dream, I never want to wake up.  
  
Pulling back slowly, I rested my head on his, catching my breath. I slowly rolled off of him and looked up at the ceiling dazed like. I knew I had a dumb cheesy smile on my face, but I couldn't help it.  
  
"I should've told you my feelings ages ago," Cas said, I looked over at him, he had a similar expression to mine and I smiled a bit bigger.  
  
"I love you." It came out of my mouth without permission but I didn't mind, not when Cas came closer again and repeated the phrase.  
  
"Kiss?" He asked gently, I never knew how much I would love hearing him ask for kisses until now. It is so much better than him just kissing me.  
  
"Yes," I said we kept exchanging kisses, some were slow and soft, but many were fast-paced, animalistic like. No matter the kiss, I enjoyed every single moment. The only moment I hated was Dean pulling us out of the room to celebrate. But even then the smile on my face wouldn't leave.

**Author's Note:**

> If you find any mistakes, let me know! Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
